


That Awkward Moment When Three Guys Who Dated The Same Slime Go On A Road Trip Together

by ckret2



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Venom (Comics)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Other, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22680613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckret2/pseuds/ckret2
Summary: "But do you ever think about it?" Deadpool asked.He was sitting on the very edge of his seat, leaning across the small aisle between the seats in the SWAT truck, getting as closed to Venom as possible. Venom was sitting up perfectly straight, arms crossed, manspreading like his life depended on it.And Spider-Man, third unfortunate member of this strike team, was sitting next to Deadpool, leaned away from them both, head bowed with his hand shielding his eyes as if that could protect him from this conversation."Are you ever conscious," Deadpool went on, "of the way that it's gently holding you. Caressing you.Fondlingyou?"Spider-Man quietly moaned in horror.
Relationships: Eddie Brock/Venom Symbiote, Venom Symbiote/Wade Wilson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 193
Collections: SYMBRUARY





	That Awkward Moment When Three Guys Who Dated The Same Slime Go On A Road Trip Together

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [@symbruary](symbruary.tumblr.com) Day 12: "clothes". This was the easiest one so far.

"But do you ever think about it?" Deadpool asked. 

He was sitting on the very edge of his seat, leaning across the small aisle between the seats in the SWAT truck, getting as closed to Venom as possible. Venom was sitting up perfectly straight, arms crossed, manspreading like his life depended on it. 

And Spider-Man, third unfortunate member of this strike team, was sitting next to Deadpool, leaned away from them both, head bowed with his hand shielding his eyes as if that could protect him from this conversation. 

"Are you ever conscious," Deadpool went on, "of the way that it's gently holding you. Caressing you. _Fondling_ you?" 

Spider-Man quietly moaned in horror. 

"Cupping your most delicate jewels," Deadpool continued, making a groping motion with his hand a foot in front of Venom's crotch, "with its sweet, slimy little grasp?" 

There was a moment of silence as Venom tilted their head back, looking down upon Deadpool. Spider-Man braced himself for their team up to dissolve into anarchy before it had even started. 

Venom said, "I think about it all the time." 

Spider-Man buried his face in his other hand and doubled over like he'd been punched in the gut. 

Deadpool clapped and triumphantly shot a fist in the air. 

"Constantly," Venom went on. "At least once every half hour." 

"I am glad," Deadpool said, " _so_ glad, that you can appreciate what it does for you." 

"More than words can say. I live in a state of constant gratitude." 

"And tell me," Deadpool said earnestly. "Does it satisfy you?" 

A leering toothy grin stretched across Venom's face. 

Spider-Man hopped to his feet. "Shotgun!" he yelled, scrambling to the front of the vehicle. "I call shotgun, I'm hanging out with the driver now. Hey, how ya doing, I don't think we were introduced. I'm Man. _Spider-_ Man." 

Venom waited until the nervous banter from the front of the truck had died down. Then they focused on Deadpool and said, "It satisfies me in ways you can't possibly imagine." 

"Woohoohoo!" Deadpool shivered. "I think I can imagine a few more of them than you think I can." 

"Well. Maybe a few." Venom chuckled darkly, grin widening, tongue rolling out. 

Deadpool groaned, slouching back in his seat, lifting one foot to press it to the exposed edge of the seat between Venom's knees so he didn't slide off his seat completely. "Gentlemen, don't _tease_ me like that!" 

In a panic, Spider-Man turned on the radio. 

"Eddie, you are the luckiest human being on this planet. You know that, right?" 

"Of course I do," Eddie said, chest puffed up proudly. 

"And _you,_ my gooey friend," Deadpool said, pointing somewhere vaguely around Venom's abdomen, "you've got a keeper here. You've got someone who knows how good he's got it with you. I hope you know that." 

"It does." 

"Good!" Deadpool paused. "But uh, y'know, if anything ever happens to him..." Deadpool's pointing finger slowly turned downward until he was pointing at his own crotch. 

Venom's smile immediately turned into a scowl. "It'll keep that in mind," they grumbled. 

"Aww, grumpy face. I hope oozy's more excited about the offer than you are, Eddie." 

Voice lower, they grumbled, "It is." 

Deadpool pumped a fist in celebration. He turned toward the front of the truck and shouted, "You're a fool, Spidey! You threw away something beautiful! You know that?" 

"I'm not part of this conversation!" 

Deadpool straightened back up in his seat. "I had a thought for after this job," he said. "Not really a thought, actually. More like a fantasy. A long-standing deeply cherished fantasy that I've been carrying in my heart for years." 

"What?" 

"You ever seen those pictures of kids in 'get along shirts'? Two kids sharing one oversized t-shirt? Well..." Deadpool gestured between himself and Venom, nodding meaningfully. 

Venom eyed him critically. Then they said, "Keep talking."

**Author's Note:**

> Original post available on [tumblr](https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/190790595342/). Comments/reblogs there are very welcome (as are comments here)!


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